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Are you like me? Do your parents not understand you? Do your high school classmates not “get” your poems? Can you just not believe that she did that, and I mean like right after what happened! God! Well friend, you’re in luck, because the Internet finally has a place that appreciates us. But if you’re going to bare your soul to the world, you are going to need a picture of yourself. So grab your webcam and let’s get started. First, take a really simple picture.

Here I am, ready to recite my poetry to the internet. Or am I?

Everybody knows that glasses are only cool if you don’t need them to see, so I took mine off. But I can’t use this. There are a couple problems with this picture: 1. I am looking directly at the camera. 2. I am smiling. I don’t want people to know that I took this picture just for MySpace, so I should tone it down some. Let’s see what I look like when I’m in my “natural” state.

Here is take two. I’m not looking at the camera, and I don’t look very happy. A vast improvement over the previous picture! I think I look a little too angsty though. You want to look angsty, but you don’t want to look like you’re trying to look angsty. Because if you were trying to do something, then that means you care about something, and that breaks the cardinal rule of being a teenager. Let’s try a third shot.

I don’t even like MySpace. Or anything.

You don’t understand me. Nobody does.

Perfect! I’m staring at a point just next to the camera, with little to no visible emotion. Now, all I need to do is apply some grayscale and a high-contrast filter, and I’m done! Let’s throw it together with a red-text-on-black-background page and see what we get.